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Your Relationship Dynamic Unlocked

A Joint Journey to Deeper Connection, Harmony & Intimacy
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How it works

When you love someone, feeling stuck, disconnected, or caught in the same old arguments can be exhausting. It’s easy to wonder if you’ve just hit a rough patch, or if it’s time to get some extra support.

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This short self-check isn’t a test, and there are no right or wrong answers. It’s simply a quiet space for you to reflect on where things stand today, spot the hidden patterns causing friction, and see where real healing and reconnection can begin.

 

I have created this Relationship Dynamic Quiz based on 15+ years of experience as a Psychologist to help you start your journey towards a more fulfilling love life.

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Complete the quiz and I'll email you with a simple guide to understand your relationship dynamic, the loops and traps you may be experiencing and what to do about it.

When an Issue or Disagreement Arises...

Single choice
A. I feel an urgent need to talk it through right away, but my partner pulls back or shuts down. (Or vice versa: my partner pursues me while I feel overwhelmed and need space.)
B. I automatically take charge, organise the fix, and manage the reaction, while my partner steps back and lets me handle it.
C. A small comment instantly sparks a sharp back-and-forth where we both justify ourselves and point fingers.
D. We quietly sweep it under the rug to keep the peace and carry on with our everyday routine.
E. Emotions explode quickly into a big argument, followed by intense remorse, passion, or deep apologies once the storm passes.
F. We quietly handle our own side of things separately without expecting or asking the other for help.

In Everyday Life, Our Core Emotional Vibe Feels Like...

Single choice
A. A game of chase - one person reaching out for reassurance, the other feeling crowded or badgered.
B. An exhausting balance of mental load - one person acting like the organiSed manager, the other feeling like a passive passenger.
C. Walking on eggshells - conversations quickly feel like attacks that require an immediate defense.
D. Being polite roomies - we handle chores, schedules, and logistics, but there’s very little warmth or emotional depth.
E. A dramatic roller coaster - high-energy connection when things are good, but devastating lows when we hit a bump.
F. Two parallel tracks - we operate as independent adults who share an address, but rarely lean on each other emotionally.

How Physical Touch, Sex, and Affection Play Out in Our Relationship...

Single choice
A. One partner continually initiates or asks for physical connection, while the other feels pressured, guilty, or pulls away.
B. Sex and affection feel like administrative tasks or items on a to-do list that one person plans, manages, or worries about.
C. Physical intimacy often gets derailed by misread signals, bruised feelings, or defensive comments about past rejection.
D. Touch and sexual connection have quietly faded into the background, replaced by routine politeness and comfortable distance.
E. Physical closeness is volatile - intense and passionate after a dramatic conflict or makeup, but unpredictable or quiet in between.
F. Both partners maintain firm physical and emotional boundaries, rarely initiating touch or expecting regular physical intimacy.

How We Handle Physical and Emotional Intimacy...

Single choice
A. One of us is constantly reaching for touch or emotional closeness, while the other feels pressured and backs away.
B. Intimacy feels like another item on a to-do list that one person plans, manages, or worries about.
C. Attempts at closeness often end up in misunderstandings, bruised egos, or defensive comments.
D. Affection and sex have gradually faded into the background, replaced by routine and politeness.
E. Physical closeness is intense and passionate after a fight, but quiet or unpredictable in between.
F. We both keep our physical and emotional boundaries high, rarely asking for or offering deep tenderness.

When One of Us Is Upset or Vulnerable...

Single choice
A. One partner pushes hard to get an immediate emotional response, while the other retreats behind a wall.
B. One partner takes over with practical advice and solutions, while the other feels invalidated or sidelined.Option 2
C. The conversation quickly pivots to who is right, who started it, or whose fault it is.
D. We downplay the problem, change the subject, or act like everything is fine to avoid uncomfortable emotions.
E. The upset quickly turns into a high-drama event where feelings feel completely out of control.
F. We keep our struggles to ourselves and process our feelings in isolation rather than leaning on each other.

Our Biggest Shared Struggle with Communication Is...

Single choice
A. The loop of one person demanding answers while the other turns away or walks out of the room.
B. Resentment over who carries the mental load and makes all the decisions for the household.
C. Conversations rapidly escalating into blame, criticism, and constant counter-arguments.
D. A total lack of meaningful conversation - we talk about the kids, bills, or house, but never about "us."
E. The wild unpredictability - we go from feeling deeply in love to explosive arguments in a matter of minutes.
F. The emotional distance - we operate so independently that we barely know what’s going on in each other’s inner world.

The Primary Cycle That Characterises Our Relationship Is...

Single choice
A. A persistent chase-and-retreat loop where attempts to connect drive the other partner further into self-protective distance.
B. An unequal responsibility loop where one partner manages the relationship dynamic while the other disengages into passivity.
C. A reactive attack-and-defend loop where every disagreement turns into self-protection and counter-criticism.
D. A quiet avoidance loop where conflict is minimised at the expense of emotional depth and genuine intimacy.
E. A high-intensity loop alternating between volatile conflict and intense emotional or physical makeup periods.
F. An independent parallel loop where both partners operate autonomously without depending on each other for support.

If Our Relationship Dynamic Were a Pop Culture Duo or Animal Pair, We Would Be...

Single choice
A. The Golden Retriever & The House Cat: One of us is constantly wagging their tail at the door, eager to connect and play, while the other sits high on the bookshelf, observing from a safe distance and demanding space on their own terms.
B. The Over-Scheduled Executive & The Relaxed Intern: One person acts like the CEO running household operations, managing calendars, and making executive decisions, while the other takes a backseat, waiting to be assigned tasks or coasting along.
C. The Debating Lawyers (Courtroom Drama): Conversations quickly feel like a heated trial. Every discussion becomes an exercise in presenting evidence, pointing out logical flaws, and defending character rather than listening to feelings.
D. Two Polite Penguins in a Documentary: Smooth, calm, and functional on the surface. We share a nest, protect the egg, and manage daily life with quiet efficiency, but there isn't much warmth, passion, or deep conversation happening.
E. Batman & The Joker: High stakes, dramatic encounters, and explosive energy. We go from intense, emotional standoffs to passionate, dramatic reconciliations - there is rarely a dull or quiet middle ground.
F. Two Solitary Eagles Sharing a Mountain: Strong, independent, and self-reliant. We share the same peak and respect each other's space, but we fly in completely separate orbits and rarely depend on one another for survival or comfort.
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Identifying Your Relationship Loop

Image by Micah & Sammie Chaffin

Now that you’ve completed the quiz, count up how many times you selected each letter (A, B, C, D, E, or F). The letter you chose most frequently highlights the primary relational feedback loop currently shaping your partnership.

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If your answers were split evenly between two letters - for example, equal parts A and C - don't worry; it is completely normal for couples to navigate a primary pattern (like a Pursuer-Distancer dynamic) that occasionally triggers a secondary response (like a Defensive Attack-Defend loop) when stress runs high.

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What Happens Next?

Recognising your pattern is the vital first step toward breaking it. Check your inbox shortly for a follow-up email from me. In it, we’ll dive deeper into your specific relationship dynamic, unpack the science behind why it happens, and explore actionable steps you and your partner can take to start reconnecting and finding relief.

Your Relationship Dynamic Loop Revealed

Mostly A's

The Pursuer-Distancer Loop

One partner reaches out for connection or answers, while the other feels overwhelmed and pulls back. The more one pursues, the more the other withdraws.

Mostly B's

The Over-Functioner / Under-Functioner Loop

One partner takes charge of planning, decisions, and household mental load, while the other becomes passive. Over time, this leads to burn-out and resentment on both sides.

Mostly C's

The Defensive Attack-Defend Loop

Conversations quickly turn into blame, self-protection, and counter-arguments. Instead of feeling heard, both partners end up defending their character.

Mostly D's

The Stonewalling & Disengagement Loop

Conflict is avoided to keep the peace, causing emotional and physical intimacy to fade. You manage daily logistics well, but live like polite roommates.

Mostly E's

The Volatile Intensity Loop

Relationship dynamic alternates between explosive, high-conflict arguments and passionate, emotional reconciliations—making calm, steady connection feel hard to reach.

Mostly F's

The Hyper-Independent
Parallel Loop

Both partners rely almost exclusively on themselves for emotional support and stress relief, leading to a parallel existence where true vulnerability is avoided.

Check your inbox for more details and what to do next!

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Unlocking your Relationship Dynamic is a powerful first step toward getting your partnership running smoothly again. It gives you a clear blueprint of how you operate as a team highlighting what you already do well, pinpointing where you get stuck, and giving you an exact roadmap to fix friction fast.

 

If you're ready to stop having the same frustrating arguments, clear out old tension, and get back on the same page, let's sit down for a practical, straightforward chat.

 

Together, we’ll cut through the noise, tackle your specific sticking points, and build a solid plan for your relationship.

 

BOOK YOUR COMPLIMENTARY 15 MIN VIBE CHECK
 

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